First serve!

I know I didn't put down the toilet seat, but there's no need to go on!

BLOODY TV! Can't get the portable thing to work and so Arsenal are playing Barcelona in a snowstorm at the Emirates and I've just given up trying to match Andy Townsend's inane comments with what is actually going on.

I met Andy Townsend once at a petrol station on the A11 near Thetford when he was driving back from a match at Norwich City, and he wasn't that interesting either as we lined up in the queue, discussing the match and deciding whether it was man enough to buy a bar of Turkish Delight.

So I've finally got round to writing a blog and you know what, I don't know what the hell a blog is. I understand Twitter but refuse to become a slave to the 140 character discipline. Who on earth wants to know what I've had for breakfast, what dull meeting I've just sat through or about the pigeons using my office window as target practice?

Get a life people, although I read that men are better Twitterers (?!) than women because the blokes apparently have fewer words in their vocabulary and are therefore more concise. Studies - and which saddos actually spend their dull days researching this stuff? - show that men have about a quarter to a third the number of words in their verbal arsenal compared to the fairer sex. What a load of rollocks!

Anyway, for years I have written a column in various newspapers under the title of "Passing Shots", although it has a different title in the local piles clinic. Witty at times, tedious in places, it passes the time of day for some readers and has kept me in a job.

So, this is my column, this is my blog. How often will I write? That depends on whether I can fix the TV. But if you're bored, then hang around for the ride!