Beaten by the cross-dressing Abba runner

Fairy-nuff!

THE 80s was, without doubt, the coolest musical decade of recent times.
The 60s was all about giving peace a chance and flower power, the 70s was a time of glam rock and punk, and the 80s? Well, come on - the New Romantics, Live Aid and who can forget the "Birdie Song", "Agadoo", and "Shaddap You Face"?
It just makes the 90s and so-called noughties the musical equivalent of train-spotting. Dull, dull and extremely dull!
Hold that thought for a second.
Now, among the anal pearls of wisdom of marathon running folklore there is one piece of advice all 26 mile virgins should bear in mind.
When approaching the end of the race, and mindful of the infamous finish line photo which will forever adorn the mantlepiece at home and been paraded at dinner parties for years thereafter, don't, whatever you do, find yourself in a sprint finish with a pantomime horse, fairy, or any other fancy-dressed competitor.
Why? Because that split second photo will reduce your credibility as a serious marathon runner among your friends and colleagues. "Beaten by a bloody fairy wearing a pink tutu and carrying a wand - what a loser!" See, it's easily done. Eight months training down the drain because of a bloody pantomime horse.
So I have always carried that running mantra in my mind at race finishes - let the fancy-dressed fairy go, and make sure as you cross the finish line that you have wiped away any traces of phlegm from your cheeks! It spoils a decent photo!
You with me so far? Good!
So this Saturday, to mark another tedious birthday, I decided to take part in Park Run.
There are Park Runs all over the country, begun a few years ago with a weekly Saturday morning 5km run in Bushy Park near Hampton Court, and now this running phenomenon has spread country wide.
Each week, thousands of runners turn up to run the 5km intent on beating their personal best from the previous week, running with friends. It is extremely well organised. You can register on line in advance to print off your own card with barcode with will help the smooth running of the event.
The Park Run at Lydiard Park in Swindon celebrated its first anniversary on Saturday, so to mark the occasion the organisers adopted an 80s theme.
They get more than 100 runners each Saturday morning at Lydiard, and as required, we had some resplendent 80s costumes, with not a George Michael or Claire Grogan in sight. I opted out of the garb.
It was brass monkey weather for the two-lap race, though the atmosphere was extremely friendly among the 150 or so runners who set off on the paths around Lydiard Park.
I was struggling to keep going early on; my legs ached, my lungs were burning with cold and my heart was asking what on earth was going on when I should have been in bed.
There is a final rise up a sharp hill to the finish outside Lydiard House. I wanted to make a good finish in front of a small crowd gathered by the end, so I opened my legs, had the arms pumping and sprinted for the line having completly forgotten the marathon mantra.
I honestly thought all the fancy dress characters were trailing in the distance, but what I hadn't spotted was this guy wearing a blonde, Abba-type wig tumbling down to his shoulders and various 80s accessories. He hared past me like an antelope as if I was running backwards. He looked quite attractive, actually!
Anyway, I got beaten by the cross-dressed runner in a sprint finish which is not something you want to brag about.
Coincidently, my finish position was exactly half my age - 24th. Seriously, this was a fun run-out and very addictive. Within hours and thanks to the barcoded membership card, I'd received an e-mail with my time and other details.
To find out more about Park Run, log onto: www.parkrun.com/ or for the Swindon event, turn up to Lydiard Park by 8.50am every Saturday morning, though you will need to pre-register the day before ahead of your first run.
And if you do run, beware any fairies or pantomime horses!